allendalepharm Chapter 59
Chapter 59
Yuan Song's smoking action is obviously rusty, but he is not in a hurry, his eyes are lowered, he doesn't know what he is thinking, the quiet atmosphere of the close-up seems to be shooting an art film, the protagonist is mysterious and sad.
The main light on the balcony suddenly turned on, and Yuan Song woke up like a dream. His soul, which had no place to rest, immediately returned to his body. His eyes, which were still unhappy just now, were frightened like a deer.
After realizing it later, he threw away the cigarette he had just smoked in a panic. Before he could breathe a sigh of relief, there was still a small pile of cigarette butts remaining warm in the ashtray on the window sill, mocking him for having nowhere to go. escape.
He could only watch helplessly as Jiang Baizhou came from the dim light of the living room, and gradually approached in the light, his constricted pupils were like the eyes of a raging storm, it was clear that the cold wind was blowing into his bones, but Yuan Song intuitively felt a layer on his back thin sweat.
With a short distance of less than ten meters, the two completed a silent confrontation. When Jiang Baizhou came up to him, Yuan Song's heart was broken beyond description.
Jiang Baizhou must be heartbroken to see him now.
In fact, his recovery is all an illusion, he still gets angry occasionally, and hates all the emotional communication, even taking the initiative to tease Jiang Baizhou is not always affectionate.
He was just afraid that if his illness continued to get better, the other party would dislike him.
Just like what Pei Ning said, no couple can endure the emotional disharmony between each other for a long time.
Recently, he secretly searched the Internet for many cases of emotional loss disorder. Although most of them will recover slowly, due to long-term internal friction and pressure on close people, broken relationships abound.
He didn't want to and didn't dare to gamble with his relationship with Jiang Baizhou, especially when he knew that his love for Jiang Baizhou was deep in his bones, and if he lost him one day, he didn't dare to think about how he would face it.
That was the lover he had loved since he was young and ignorant.
For him, there is no other irreplaceable existence in the world.
In life, in the long and carefree youth, those who are full of thoughts are destined not to forget.
"Brother Bai, I..."
Yuan Song's eyes were apprehensive, his voice seemed to come out of icy water, and his heart ached even when he was breathing.He wanted to hug Jiang Baizhou, but he didn't dare. Even though the weather was cold and the wind was blowing outside, the suffocating smell of smoke still couldn't be concealed.
"It's hard for you to be with me, isn't it?"
Ever since Yuan Song fell ill, Jiang Baizhou has been holding him carefully, holding him in his mouth for fear of melting, holding him in his hands for fear of falling off, he has spent almost all his life's patience and tenderness in caring for him, but it seems that he has not really let him go. The other party feels better.
Could it be that his previous reputation of being unfeeling and cold made him untrustworthy?Or he doesn't look like a reliable person, so Yuan Song would rather act than show his pain.
Thinking about it this way, he felt that he was such a failure, and he was even more depressed than when he accompanied the running actor back then.
"No! I didn't! It's not like that." Yuan Song strongly denied, because his throat was choked by the cold wind, his eyes turned red immediately like every time when he was sad, and the down jacket draped over his shoulders followed suit. Falling to the ground with an uncontrollable movement, he felt his heart go cold instantly.
"I, I just feel too uncomfortable. In fact, my illness is not completely cured. I, I still can't control my emotions sometimes, and I feel tired and bored even talking more." Tonight, apart from downstairs Only Yuan Chengjing was there, and his room was far away from the balcony, so he wouldn't notice this late-night farce at all, but the two still had a tacit understanding and tried their best to suppress their voices and emotions.
Yuan Song cried very depressingly, and the warm tears cooled down as soon as they fell out, just like the normal emotions that he tried desperately to keep but couldn't fully recover.
"So, are you afraid that I will get tired of leaving you knowing your true situation? Or do you suspect that I will empathize with someone else?"
Originally, he was questioning the other party, but Jiang Baizhou first said that he was sorry.He felt that he was sincere to Yuan Song and considered a considerate partner, but the facts in front of him told him that he seemed to overestimate himself.
All he has done has not won the complete trust and reliance of the other party.
As pretentious as he is, it turns out that he can fail so emotionally.
"It's not like that. I don't distrust you. I just don't like myself now. I can't even live a normal life. How can I give happiness to the person I love?"
Whoever said it, his love for Jiang Baizhou was too pure.What was given was 100% sincerity and piety, without any additional requirements, so he couldn't adapt to becoming incomplete and no longer perfect.
Yuan Song couldn't help but hugged Jiang Baizhou hard, no matter what good things he said this time, the other party was unmoved.
He was gently pushed away by Jiang Baizhou, watching the other party pick up the down jacket from the ground and put it on him again, then raised his hand to wipe away his tears, his movements were gentle and considerate, but there was no softness in his eyes, he couldn't even detect the other party's sudden silence What does it mean.
"Xiao Song, maybe I'm not a good boyfriend in the traditional sense, but I'm absolutely sincere to you. From the day we decided to be together, I didn't want to separate from you easily. Before I met you, I never loved anyone. People don’t like love, but I am definitely not someone who treats love as a game. You can only like me for so many years, no matter if I fall into the quagmire or look bright. But you, why don’t you believe that I can do it? "
Yuan Song's hand grabbing the hem of his clothes was also gently separated, Jiang Baizhou didn't want to spoil him this time.This is a problem that touches the bottom line and cognition. If the other party does not get out of the limit set in his heart, even if he recovers this time, the other party will still subconsciously want to escape when encountering troubles in the future.
Since the two of them have made an agreement for the rest of their lives, they should trust each other as if they were each other.
Yuan Song wants perfect love, so why not him.
However, perfection does not mean that both parties have no shortcomings, but that no matter when and what kind of pain and setbacks they encounter, their hearts are always connected.
He wanted to prove that he, Jiang Baizhou, was trustworthy.
Yuan Song has always let him admit his mistakes, but admitting his mistakes does not mean that he has figured it out now, more, he just doesn't want to hurt each other's hearts.
"Go back to your room and sleep. Today, I'm going home first."
Jiang Baizhou took a step back and opened the border between Chuhe and Han. His eyes were calm and self-sufficient that Yuan Song had never seen before. There was no anger in it, but it made people feel more flustered.
Dating back to when Yuan Song first took the trouble to make his presence felt annoying in front of the other party, he had never seen such a detached and deserted look.
Shocked by this sense of alertness, no matter how good at acting coquettishly and amusingly he is usually, he dare not easily try to get close to the other party at this moment.
Jiang Baizhou took a deep look at him, then turned around resolutely, with a slight wind, Yuan Song stretched out his hand to grab it, and there was nothing but nothingness that no longer existed.
He slapped Jiang Baizhou in the face and told him with practical actions that I don't seem to trust you that much.
In fact, it's not that he has no confidence in Jiang Baizhou, it's just that he is simply afraid of the problems between the two of them.
At ten o'clock in the middle of the night, Jiang Baizhou drove away from the villa area, until the light of the tail lights completely disappeared from the eyes of the people on the balcony, and the conflict that suddenly broke out in the night was completely extinguished.
***
Jiang Baizhou left Yuan Song and left. It's not that he didn't understand or feel sorry for each other. It's just that he always likes to play straight balls. If there are any conflicts between his partners, he will try to resolve them as soon as possible. After all, hidden dangers will only bring unpredictability. The bad consequences of unforeseen circumstances are like a knife hanging in the heart, making people fearful and terrified all day long.
Especially for Yuan Song who is sensitive to illness.
Jiang Baizhou doesn't care about how many steps he has to take in love, but Yuan Songcheng must take the first step to break free from the psychological shackles, otherwise no matter how much he coaxes and persuades, the other party will not really feel at ease.
He wants Yuan Song to clearly touch his bottom line, provided Yuan Song confesses.
Jiang Baizhou didn't disturb Yuan Chengjing when he left, but Yuan Song was too sad, he was like a child who made a mistake, he didn't know how to end, so he could only seek help from "adults".
"The reason why you are hiding it from all of us is because you are afraid that Jiang Baizhou will give up the relationship between you?" Yuan Chengjing's room temperature is suitable. After Jiang Baizhou left, Yuan Song stood on the balcony for a while before coming in.Wrapped in a thin quilt and sitting on the sofa for a long time, the intuition of the frozen body slowly recovered, and at the same time, more and more vivid heartaches came.
Yuan Chengjing didn't expect his sensible brother to be so daring. When he learned the truth, he didn't feel much better than Jiang Baizhou.
What kind of thoughts do you have to use your own health to mediate with your loved ones around you?
"Yeah." Yuan Song knew it was wrong to bury his chin into the quilt, and nodded invisibly, without even looking, he knew that his downcast eyes must be red again.
Yuan Chengjing sat at the end of the bed in sleepiness, because he got up from the bed in the middle of the night, and his whole body was peaceful, and he was no longer the meticulous majesty in the company as usual, but his tone of admonishing his younger brother was still unquestionable, and his natural domineering temperament was not angry.
"I won't tell you what Jiang Baizhou thinks, just because I heard it, I want to slap you!" In terms of who loves Yuan Song the most in this family, it must be his elder brother. He didn't say a word of heavy words.Today's sentence of wanting to smoke people can be described as unprecedentedly serious.
Hearing this, Yuan Song sucked on his reddened nose and wanted to cry even more.
"Then, what should I do then? Brother Bai is really angry this time, I've never seen him like that before." Yuan Song was arrested for committing a crime, and of course he had to correct it besides listening to training.
"What did he tell you?" If you want to be forgiven, you must first know what the other party's heart is.Yuan Chengjing got up in the middle of the night to be an emotional counselor for someone, feeling angry and upset.
"He said, why can't I believe that he loves me like I love him."
On the surface, this remark is a reproach, but in fact, it is self-evident and affectionate to calm down and study it deeply.
Yuan Song was at fault, he didn't think about it for a while, he only knew that Jiang Baizhou was very angry, and he was not easy to coax.
"You have to take action to convince people that you know you were wrong and that you won't do it again."
Jiang Baizhou reacted so strongly this time, it must not be a matter of fact, but a heart-to-heart showdown, obviously a confession.