allendalepharm Chapter 147 It was just a small puddle.
Chapter 147 It was just a small puddle.
Chapter 147 It was just a small puddle (5K)
Snape found Lockhart to be incredibly witty, spouting off a whole string of little words that was utterly tiresome to listen to!
I won't listen! I won't listen!
He frantically followed the trail of the guardian doe, so desperately searching for Lily's whereabouts.
Rushing from the present to the past, passing through streaks of light, searching for figures whose traces are clearly imprinted on the ground but can never be seen again.
However, Lockhart's words continued to haunt him.
"Hey, hey, Severus, wait a minute! Didn't you notice? Lily's figure appeared in that glimmer of light just now!"
"Wow, another one. You two got along pretty well when you first enrolled, she seemed to care about you a lot."
"Hey? On your way to freshman registration, was senior Porter in the same carriage as you two? Severus, stop right there, this might be an opportunity. This could be their first meeting, you have to..."
"Enough!" Snape abruptly stopped his rapid flight, glaring angrily at Lockhart behind him. "Don't you understand? Lily will never belong to me. What does she have to do with Potter?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
The dark passage was deathly silent. Lockhart opened his mouth, then fell silent as well.
Only Snape was so tormented that he seemed to be completely engulfed in darkness. "I know, of course I know, it wasn't Potter who stole Lily, it was Lily who chose him. I know even more clearly, it wasn't that Lily chose him between me and Potter, but that Lily never considered me..."
His voice was so low and dark, "I only have this one guardian spirit left, that's all I have left. What can I do? I shouldn't have been so greedy as to try to concoct this potion, greedily trying to salvage something. I was wrong. I have completely lost the last bit of what I had."
What a painful realization!
You were my everything.
But when I look back on every step I've taken on this journey...
They all walked away so lonely~
Young love is an extreme passion. In the cold, damp rain of youth, some people fall ill, some people's passion is extinguished, but Snape drowns completely in that rain.
Perhaps this is what it means to be a wizard: drawing immense power from emotions, feelings, and the power of the mind, and thus becoming trapped in those emotions and feelings, unable to extricate oneself.
Lockhart tried to pull him out of the torrential flood, only to find that it wasn't a flood at all, but just a small puddle where some people preferred to drown.
Snape howled in agony like a lone wolf, drawing the attention of Lockhart's werewolves.
"That's war, Gilderoy!"
"It's hard for people who haven't experienced war to imagine what a terrible scene it was. Everyone was fighting for even the slightest possibility of victory. Warriors who didn't have a firm will to follow their own path would have died in that war long ago."
"Many people are dead. It's not just Potter, it's not just Lily. Many of my comrades are dead too. They didn't think about kindness when they killed my comrades."
"Don't think that only Death Eaters use the Unforgivable Curse. Anyone can use it when they're blinded by rage. When your comrades, your family, or the people you care about are killed by the enemy, anyone's heart will be filled with malice, and they will use it."
"Why didn't I die in that war? Why didn't I die at their hands? Now I'm like a sinner who has to pay for something?"
"Was I wrong? I don't know. Voldemort failed, our war failed, it's that simple! So all the Death Eaters were wrong, everything they did was wrong, even just gathering intelligence. I have betrayed my faith, I have so humbly begged Voldemort to spare Lily!"
Snape's eyes were bloodshot, and he looked as if he were being torn apart by pain.
"I ultimately killed Lily, the one I loved most."
"I ultimately killed Voldemort, the leader of our war."
"I messed everything up; I'm the one who ultimately caused our war to be a complete failure!"
"Can you feel that terrible sense of powerlessness? Everyone is caught in the vortex of war, with injuries, torture, and death happening every day, and each time it is so terrible."
"Gidero, I still believe this to this day, even though it causes me more and more pain."
"Every side in a war is both righteous and evil."
"Ha, justice? Evil? In the end, the victor is justice, and the loser is evil. It's that simple!"
"The victors can certainly boast about the cruelty of the defeated, but who wasn't cruel during wartime?"
"And I am a loser. A traitor at that, the most disgusting person in this war!"
"Dumbledore was a victor, not a righteous one. From dealing with Grindelwald to dealing with Voldemort, he was always the victor."
"But this victor has always been pulling the wizarding world away from moving forward. Every single time, for over a hundred years, the wizarding world has struggled for over a hundred years, and every time his powerful strength has suppressed all its struggles."
"And then, ha, Gilderoy, you know about the Muggle world, right? They're developing industry and technology, satellites, missiles, the internet, biotechnology... Muggles have entered an unprecedented period of rapid development in the last hundred years, while wizards... nothing, they haven't made any progress at all."
"They've even regressed, isolating themselves in a small circle and still retaining the most ridiculous understanding of Muggles. If you look at the Muggle Studies course at Hogwarts, you'll see how ridiculous the wizards' understanding of Muggles is."
"Didn't Dumbledore know? He even knew about nuclear bombs, but he didn't do anything to change anything; he just watched."
"You have no idea how desperate I felt living in such an environment as a loser of the war."
"The changes we longed to bring back have been completely erased, leaving no trace. The changes brought about by the deaths of our comrades have been gradually and thoroughly wiped away."
"So in the end we didn't change anything, all that's left is the harm we caused to others, that's how cruel it is."
"I'm so desperate~~~~"
"What else can I do?"
"There's nothing I can do. I can only close my eyes, stop paying attention to this world, stop thinking about the future of wizards, and just keep clinging to my own emotional mess."
"I started to wallow in the pain of causing Lily's death. That's all the emotion I had left. Do you know how terrible it is to lose your faith?"
"Dumbledore knows perfectly well that I desperately want to kill Voldemort right now, not because of any damned sense of justice, but simply because of personal vendetta!"
"Of course he's willing to trust me, because this old-school, powerful wizard believes in the power of revenge."
"It's that simple!"
"I don't need to be redeemed. I just want to gain more power to kill Voldemort and end this war that has already failed."
"Voldemort is back? It's no use. He has already failed. The era no longer belongs to him. His return will only bring the struggle of the loser. He can't change anything except bring more killing and more people the pain of war. He can only turn to evil completely."
"There's no future, understand?"
"I shouldn't be alive. Living means closing my eyes and ignoring the world, indulging in my own emotions, which causes me pain. If I open my eyes and stop indulging in my emotions to see the world, it will only cause me more pain."
"There's nothing I can do. Even if I killed Voldemort, I know it would be no different from cleaning up the battlefield—meaningless, utterly meaningless!"
He was so angry, so angry at himself, that he frantically drew his wand and unleashed powerful spells upon the dark passage, creating a deafening roar.
But it's no use.
He can't do anything.
Finally, he knelt on the ground in despair, as still as a statue.
This is the pain of a loser in a war.
He lost his vast universe and was trapped in a small puddle, unable to obtain what he desired, and in great pain.
Lockhart sighed, unsure of what to say for a moment.
He never considered that his good friend's pain was far greater than the matter of "killing the woman he loved most." Was it really good for him to pull him out of Lily's emotional vortex?
he does not know.
He himself had never experienced war.
And so, the dark passage became so quiet that only the sound of the wind could be heard.
After a very long time, Lockhart finally decided to say something.
"You still have a way to undo your mistakes, Severus." He sighed, walked over and patted Snape on the shoulder. "I've figured out how this 'undo' works. Actually, you should know better than me, you just didn't notice."
Snape slowly raised his head, looking at the passage with some confusion. In the distance, there was a faint light, and in the distance, there were faint traces left by the Patronus doe, but he didn't know where to look for the doe.
So he looked at Lockhart with such tension and hope.
"This potion will cause your mind to completely spiral out of control, leading you down the path of life you perceived as out of control when you were making it. If you fear this loss of control, drink the potion, and it will return you to the very beginning."
Snape's eyes lit up. "You mean, if I go back now, drink this potion, and my Patronus will reappear by my side?"
Lockhart looked at him with some sadness, but still nodded. "Yes, your mental state will return to the moment before we successfully concocted the potion, and your guardian spirit will naturally still appear in your heart."
Snape excitedly jumped to his feet, muttering, "A pill to undo mistakes... so this is what a pill to undo mistakes is!"
He anxiously tried to start walking back, but suddenly felt a strong hand grab his arm. It was Lockhart, his expression so serious. "Dude, it's never too late to drink, is it?"
"What do you mean?" Snape forcefully broke free from him, raising his wand sharply. "Don't even think about causing any more trouble. I can't let anything else go wrong!"
"What I mean is..."
Lockhart smiled and gestured in the direction they came from. "If you can never catch up with the past, which can never be returned to, why not go and see the future? You said you'd embark on this adventurous journey even if you ended up with nothing!"
"Give it a try. The potion is always there; you can drink it whenever you want."
"You haven't even bravely embarked on this adventure yet. This is just the beginning. Are you really afraid to give it a try?"
Snape's mouth moved, but he couldn't say anything.
He really wanted to say, "No, screw your shit adventure! I want to go back now! I want to drink the regret pill now! I want to find the guardian doe now! I'm done playing!"
Just like the cowardice of my past life.
But he couldn't bring himself to speak.
Looking at his only good friend's expectant expression, having risked accompanying him to this strange place, he couldn't bring himself to speak.
He stared intently into the distance of the dark passage, where a faint light seemed to emanate from it, and it appeared as if a doe was standing there watching him. But he had to admit that he was persuaded, and perhaps he should try to take this step.
Anyway, there's always a way to undo mistakes.
Why not?
Is it really possible to live like this forever?
"Okay!" He took a deep breath. "Let's go see the future!"
"That's more like it!" Lockhart laughed heartily, scrambling back onto the pony, pulling the wronged fairy by the hand, and calling to the werewolf, "Let's go, let's go see just how terrifying the out-of-control future really is!"
He was so curious!
Leading the way, galloping forward, giddy up!
"Damn it!" The werewolf seemed to realize something. Its gossipy expression, which had been watching the show from the sidelines, suddenly turned into one of terror. It felt a powerful force pulling it and sweeping it into the gale once again.
As it swung, it suddenly shuddered its broad back, its thick muscles bulged, and a pair of huge wings suddenly stretched out from its shoulder blades, unfolding with a thud.
"Ha, I can fly too?" it exclaimed in surprise.
"It was meant to be. This is all part of my understanding of the Flying Charm." Lockhart turned to look at it and laughed heartily. "Thanks to Severus' potion, the mental and time portals here are filled with tearing power, making it easier for us to change our own situation."
Behind them, Snape silently watched their retreating figures.
Lockhart's mind is so lively, never lonely, with the magical wolf of dark power, the cheerful and bright spirit horse, and the vibrant female ghost. It is truly enviable.
I can too.
As he thought this, his figure spun around, his wide wizard robes twisting, and he transformed into a black shadow, flying rapidly forward.
future……
It started to give people something to look forward to.
A fierce wind surged through the dark passage, a powerful force pushing them back in the past. Choosing to move towards the future, they once again felt the difficulty they had faced when they approached the potion in the office.
But life is sometimes like that, isn't it? Endure the hardships and keep moving forward. It doesn't require courage or perseverance, it only requires a yearning that can never be extinguished.
Finally, after who knows how much time had passed, time seemed to lose its meaning here.
They finally made it to the future after a long journey.
The glimmer of light in the future direction within the dark passage became elusive, constantly shifting rapidly.
But it doesn't matter, let's keep going!
Finally, they arrived five years in the future, where the road ahead came to an abrupt end. The terrible gale grew stronger and stronger, but here it suddenly became quiet, so quiet that only deathly silence remained.
A faint silver curtain hung in the sky at the far end, swaying in the wind.
"Five years later..." Snape stared blankly at the scene. "I'm dead?"
He didn't know how to describe his feelings. Was it despair? Was it collapse? No, he only felt an indescribable sense of relief.
The relief wasn't because of death, but because he could finally let go of Lily's hand and no longer have to endure such torment.
he……
I'm finally free.
He dared not delve any deeper into his thoughts, nor ponder what he truly felt deep inside; he cowardly sought to escape the answer.
He whirled around and glared at Lockhart. "Shut up!"
Please, stop saying such lewd things.
Please, leave me some dignity at last.
I beg you……
Lockhart rolled his eyes. "Severus, stop with the internal monologue. Can't you take a good look? Is this a curtain of death?"
He clicked his tongue, looking up at the curtain that seemed to hang from the sky. "This is outrageous. I've never seen such an outrageous guardian spirit."
"!!!" Snape froze, then whirled around, staring intently at the curtain before him. "Isn't this the boundary of death?"
"Nonsense, no one knows more about Patronus Charms and death than I do." Lockhart's words were full of smugness. "The Patronus is the power of the mind, full of vitality, while the Curtain of Death is the curtain that falls on the stage of life, the power of the soul."
"The mind and the soul are very different!"
Snape's heart stirred, and he twisted his body, transforming into a black shadow as he flew into the sky. He passed through the mist, through the source of the gale, and through the clouds. He felt golden rays pierce through the gloom, revealing the full appearance of the enormous creature before him.
That was a colossal guardian deity, that was...
My own appearance!
"Every soul is great; that is the meaning of life, Severus. Figure it out for yourself. I'm going to go and find my future too."
Lockhart's voice quickly faded into the distance, leaving only Snape and the enormous silver figure before him, who looked exactly like him.
"I……"
Snape's voice grew hoarse. "Is it possible to have such a powerful mind?"
He turned around and looked back, as if he could see a fawn looking at him timidly. So he turned around again with great difficulty and looked at himself, who seemed like a god.
"Ha ha ha ha……"
Lockhart's voice came from afar, the somewhat neurotic guy shouting in a language he couldn't understand, so cheerfully, "Awesome, fucking awesome!"
"I choose this one, I want this one! You damn werewolf, don't try to take it from me, I know what I want!"
Snape pursed his lips, looked up blankly at the enormous Patronus before him, and he already had the answer.
(End of this chapter)